Can a Marriage Survive Infidelity?

If you're like me, every time you turn on the television, you see a story about a celebrity couple that's divorcing due to an affair. The events reported are so scandalous that we ask ourselves, "If this happened to me, how would I handle it? Can my marriage survive infidelity?"

Infidelity in a marriage is one of the most damaging experiences a married couple can face. It is also one of the most common. Because of the damaging effects and the feelings of shame, anger, bitterness, and embarrassment associated with infidelity, most people believe that their marriage could not survive if their spouse cheated.

The reality is although it's not easy, a marriage can survive. It will take a serious commitment on both sides, however, in order for it to work. There is a lot of work involved and simply stating "we can't see each other anymore" to the third wheel is only scratching the surface.

Be Truthful

The truth of the matter is that some marriages are beyond saving. First and foremost, you need to take time to assess your marriage and the circumstances around the affair. If infidelity is one of many symptoms of a continued pattern of abuse in your relationship, or if there is more than one instance of cheating, these could all be indications that you have a marriage that is beyond repair.

Be Practical

Once you've decided to save your marriage despite the infidelity, you need to realize that your marriage as you know it is over. Allow the time to grieve over your loss. During this grieving process, take a look at your marriage to see what issues besides infidelity need to be brought out and dealt with. You also want to avoid telling everyone because they may hold grudges longer than you.

You will also be experiencing a range of emotions in dealing with a spouse that is guilty of infidelity. It is important to understand that your feelings of rage, uncertainty, shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression and confusion are normal. They can also produce a multitude of physical symptoms so it's important to take care of your body. You may have reactions such as nausea, diarrhea, irregular sleep, shakiness, and difficulty with concentrating and eating.

Be Patient

It will take time to heal your marriage from the effects of infidelity. Sometimes the cheater may have unrealistic expectations and may want everything to be back to normal. Don't expect your mixed feelings, confusion, feeling in limbo, and your mistrust to go away because you've made a choice to try to save your marriage. There may be months or years of counseling involved. The cheating spouse has to regain the trust of the cheated spouse. If you have children, they need to be aware of what's going on and their feelings must be dealt with.

When it comes to infidelity, there is no simple answer as to why someone becomes unfaithful. It could be a symptom of other problems in the marriage or it could relate to something in your spouse's past. It is possible that you may never know the reason for the affair. You will need patience, understanding, and a willingness to forgive.

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